Day Fifty and Seven

It has been a while

I was listening God,
really I was...

Waiting for you
still small voice
phone call
blog post

my excuses
my laziness

you still love me
reassurance feeding
void of inactivity

here I am
here I am

Day Fifty and Six

Worship as a performance
religious side show
of divine errors
Lord have mercy

Day Fifty and Five

She cried
and cried
and cried
and cried

I offered hugs
and kisses
reassurance
and promises

I asked where it hurt
to point to the pain
to explain the tears

senseless sobbing
and shaking

God, sometimes
life just isn't fair

Day Fifty and Four

I stumble through my conversations with you like a toddler learning to talk. Consonants and vowels all mixed up. Pointing and grunting out my most basic needs. Like a parent you listen carefully and can hear the desires of my heart. Funny, no one else gets what I am saying. Thanks be to God, they probably don't need to.

Day Fifty and Three

fearlessy and endlessly
giving what I have
without expectations of outcome

because
you created
me to

Day Fifty and Two

everyone is looking for an escape
passage through various means

mind altering substance
reality changing experience
location modifying release

God, draw me in
to embody salvation
engagement
reclamation
of the here and now

Day Fifty and One

The question struck me odd
"Does the structure believe on my behalf?

God, do I need it to?

in the midst of struggle
uncertainty
and doubt

the world changes
faster than my mind
can behold

your
transcending
impending
presence

Do I need the structure
to believe on my behalf...

Giving answers
when I need more questions

shoving assertions
the ecclesiological bully
on the playground

Do I need the structure
to believe on my behalf?

Acting in your name
so I can go back to bed
pulling the covers over my head

another excuse for my passivity
and external resistance to change

on my behalf
pressing down
smothering

in this time
in this place
structure
BACK OFF

Day Fifty

A confession...
to guitars and drums
to the bass and tambourine
I have harbored feelings of
discrimination against you

Today I repent
I turn around
and face the music
of your possibilities

I heard it
I liked it
I really did

This frozen chosen
shivered awkwardly
thawing from the knees
as my body moved
praising the Divine

My hands moved together
rarely on beat

My hands hurt a little by the end
but God, I liked it.
I really did.

Day Fourty and Nine

There is a different perspective
when you are close to the ground

pudgy soft out stretched hand
pointing to the wonders of creation

BUG!

squealing in delight
this tiny, moving creature
a name

excitement scurries for cover

BUG!

the smallest of your creation
named
and blessed

Day Fourty and Eight

I feel like our conversations get a little one sided sometimes. Pouring my heart out through words, in type, spoken aloud, thoughts racing through my head. I sit and wait for your reply. If I listen best to words, why won't you speak? Why can't you bend to my expectations and speak your heart in a way I can understand. Why must the challenge be mine to push forward with. I vaguely sense your response in the broken bread and the empty pews. God, why does it have to be so complicated in my mind and simple in yours?

Day Fourty and Seven

God why are people so mean?
what goes on in their heart
that causes so much disdain

did they loose a child
a parent
a friend

did they give trust
to find denial and pain

fired from a job
married an alcoholic
suffer from depression

In my mind
I create their calamaties
making actions excusible

cutting in line
swearing at a child
beating a spouse
thinking only of themselves

I offer this prayer
for made up calamities
and the people who live them

Fourty and Six

I feel little today
running around
bumping into knees

Tired of people
jerking my arm around
telling me where to go

Stooping God
on your knees
holding my hand in yours

In this big world
full of jerks
you toddle along side us

Day Fourty and Five

I forget to breathe
holding it in
forcing it out
ruach

in unison we gather
you send me out
pneuma

in rhythm
you are my life
sacred spirit