Changing the Heart of God
It amazes me how quickly my theology can change when I want something to happen. Really, really, really want something happen. God stops being my guide, comforter, and strength and becomes the divine keeper of what I want. I will stop at nothing to plead, beg, and bargain with God.
Is God in control over making something happen? That is this complicated question that doesn't have one answer. But it does when it is something I want to happen. When I want something my thought process and prayer life shift into this place that the reason I am not getting what I want is because God is holding it ransom and my expense. And now God is waiting for me to learn something, find purification through pain (otherwise known as waiting) or realize this isn't something I really want.
There. Now I've said it. Put it out there. My theology becomes this hodge podge of poor insights and shallow reflections on my relationship with God. I'm glad that God is big enough to handle my nonsense and see me through my bargaining. By the way God, don't forget what's on the table today...
Is God in control over making something happen? That is this complicated question that doesn't have one answer. But it does when it is something I want to happen. When I want something my thought process and prayer life shift into this place that the reason I am not getting what I want is because God is holding it ransom and my expense. And now God is waiting for me to learn something, find purification through pain (otherwise known as waiting) or realize this isn't something I really want.
There. Now I've said it. Put it out there. My theology becomes this hodge podge of poor insights and shallow reflections on my relationship with God. I'm glad that God is big enough to handle my nonsense and see me through my bargaining. By the way God, don't forget what's on the table today...
Thanks for your honesty. I have tried at times to remind myself that I am following God's call but there are days my church frustrates me that I say "okay God why aren't you listening to me and giving me the right church where I can be happy". It is easy to talk the talk, but so much harder to live it.
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